Random thoughts

It's been 1 month since I came back to Singapore again.

Feel very comfortable being home this time round, unlike last August when I spent like 2 whole weeks sulking around before finally getting used to life in Singapore again. Now, travelling between Japan and Singapore simply feels like going from point A to point B. I feel equally at ease in both places.

Met up with quite a number of friends for meals in this 1 month. Am really glad to have caught up with many people whom I hadn't seen for quite a while. Also realised that sometimes, time is really an important factor to building a solid relationship. Simply knowing that we have known one another for so many years and still remaining in close contact is very reassuring. Reminiscing about the good old times we shared never fails to induce peals of laughter too.

Also been hitting the dance studios as often as I can. If only money wasn't a constraint, I certainly wouldn't mind taking classes every day. The dance circle, however, is a place where I always find hard to fit in. As outgoing as I may appear to some, when it comes to the dance scene, I am almost invisible. Blame it on my dance ineptitude, laziness to improve, and my egoistic side that keeps telling me not to try too hard to squeeze into places I don't belong to. Many a time, I find myself asking myself, "Why do I continue to dance? It's expensive and I get nothing in return." Then, I would counter-attack myself and answer, "Why don't I continue to dance? If I stop, what's there left in my life?"

And in few months' time, I'm going to turn 26. When I was young, a 26-year-old sounded like a really matured adult. But here I am, on the brink of late-twenties and still feeling so kiddish. There are still so many things that I don't know about and haven't done before. People of or about my age all seem so much more experienced in various aspects. I wonder if it's my family's financial incapability that always drags me down... because it seems like more than half of my life has been spent worrying about how to settle all the debts than to focus on my own future.

Seriously, I do not have a clear direction of where to go from here. Although I do not dislike my current job, I do not like it either. I still think about going back to the teaching field someday, but I do not know when. I also hope to travel the world but I don't even have the luxury of saving up for it cos my money needs to go into so many areas every month. Everything is currently in a 走一步算一步 situation.



我期待我人生中的奇迹尽快出现，
好让我能有一个明确的方向前进。